Seasons
Julian's led a fucked-up life, but he's a survivor and knows a thing or two about love, money, and relationships. If you use his advice, that's fine. But if you don't, he really doesn't give a fuck.
1. Government Dicks and Retirement Scrilla
Got a fucking problem? Tell Dear Julian! In Episode 1 he gives advice on government fines, investing for a brighter retirement, and what's more important – your buddies or your wife.
2. Banging and Pokey
Accidentally made your best friend's sister pregnant and don't know what the fuck to do? Tell Dear Julian...
3. Potatoes in a Bucket
Julian has advice for a lonely Swedish stoner, a wannabe muscleman, and a realtor trying to make it in the trailer park world!
4. Playing the Stripper Game
Julian gives advice on how to get banged, how not to get banged, and how to deal with someone you don't want to bang!
5. Avoiding the Slippery Slope of Shit
Can't get motivated to work out? Solve your problem with one very fucking weird trick! Julian also gives advice on controlling your dope habit, and why you should keep your lust in check on a first date.
6. Piss in the Milk
Julian gives advice on how not to lose half your shit in marriage, handling a butter fucker-upper, and how his "Drunk as Fuck" technique can boost your self-esteem!
7. We'll Take Care of It... For $500
Wanna know how to stay frisky, make pesky pets "disappear", and whether you should bang married dudes? Julian has the answer!
8. Awesome Greasy
Is stripping a good career move? How can liquor get you to third base? How do you deal with a "Jacob"? Julian knows.
9. Cash Will Make You Happy
Julian gives some good fuckin' advice on keeping warm in Canada, how a gamer can get his dick sucked, and why an ex-cop should get greasy!
10. Stop Your Fucking Whining
Julian tackles shitty kitties, asshole bosses, quitting the smokes... and some really fucking STUPID questions!
11. Pace Yourself, Bud
Has The Liquor become a way of life? Wanna quit drinking? Fuck that – Julian gives advice on the best ways to get shitfaced!
12. Go with the Hash
Julian gives advice on moving to Canada without a plan, dealing with fucked zombie-fearing neighbours, how to cope in jail, and retiring in your twenties!
13. How Not to Be a Fucking Loser
Julian gives advice on overcoming writer's block, starting up a greasy bootlegging business, and how to get out and have fun when you can't be fucking bothered!
14. When Life Gives You a Kick to the Cock
Should I sell Grandma's engagement ring to buy honey oil? How can I discipline my fucked-up son? Should I invest my scrilla in China? Julian tackles these questions, and more!
15. Fuck the Government
Should I grow dope in my shed? How am I gonna cope in jail? Should I confront my shady neighbours? Julian has the answers!
16. Bang Away
Should I bang younger dudes? How do I deal with a douche moocher of a neighbour? Should I smoke hash, weed or honey oil? Julian gives out some more awesome advice!
17. Dick Genes
Julian blasts through this week's pile of problems, including shitty tenants, shitty landlords, shitty neighbours, and shitty business ideas!
18. Toughen the Fuck Up
Julian gives advice on whether to blackmail a greasy neighbour cheating on his wife, and what to do if you don't like to party but wanna make friends!
19. Get the Fuck Outta Bed
To drink or not to drink? That is the fucking question! Also: I can't decide between a good job and smoking weed! I have ADD and can't get out of bed! I keep crying in the shower!
20. Fill Up That Gut
How to deal with asshole brothers-in-law, dog thieves, greasy bosses and bad hangovers, and how not to get a job at SwearNet!
21. Get Banged, Get Drunk, Get High
Julian is back with advice on choosing a career path, dealing with ‘the one that got away,’ how to handle fucking assholes, and the best way to become a professional wrestler.
22. Move to Sunnyvale
It seems a lot of problems could be solved by doing a bit less bitching and a bit more banging. Julian has advice for the recently divorced, the infertile, and the cowardly. Plus: how Americans should deal with their fucked election.
23. Advice from Two Hungover Dicks
Ricky joins Dear Julian as the Boys answer viewer questions and do their best to shake off a MEAN fucking hangover. Get advice on salvia, dealing with dicks, and what to do if you ever meet Lahey and Randy.
24. How to Not Piss Yourself
The rum is poured and Julian is answering your questions. He has advice on getting money that you are owed from your boss, what to do about shitty ex’s and shitty cousins, and most importantly - how to not piss yourself.
25. Finding the Proper Liquor Level
Having a hard time being a businessman because you love your day-drinking too much? Have no tolerance for bullshit? Not sure how to ask out women? This episode of Dear Julian is for you!
26. Banging Away a Broken Heart
Julian is drinkin’ and answerin’ again. The Dirty Dancer gives advice on hunting while drinking, dealing with a friend who turns into a dickhead with booze, and how to get over a breakup.
27. Merry Fucking Christmas
The holiday season stresses everyone the fuck out. Luckily, Julian has a drink and some good advice. Learn how to handle shitty malls, what to do if your family is leaving you for the holidays, and whether you should buy booze or Trailer Park Boys merchandise.
28. Fuck It, It's Christmas
Julian is back with part two of his Dear Julian holiday questions, and he has advice on dealing with drunken uncles, drunk ass fathers, and drunk teenagers. Plus: is it a good idea to steal Christmas trees?
Cast
John Paul Tremblay
Julian
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